The whole day I was running around. Starting from Gethsamene. Previous night also I couldn't sleep. But if at all I had known what is our plight twenty four hours down the line, I would have been awake to sit and pray. If at all I knew my master was perspiring blood there in agony, I would have rushed to help. Let my sleepiness and laziness be doomed, Peter wailed.
John said, We all have failed him, Peter. None of us were with him when it was expected of us.
James pitched in, Ah! At least you were there at the foot of the cross, John. At least the Rabbi could see you being entrusted with his mother. I do not know how on earth she is surviving. The trauma that she had to go through in her life, no body can even dream of it.
Simon says, (after all he was a Zealot) If at all that traitor, Judas was alive, I would have beaten him to death. How could he do this to him, to us? What wrong did Jesus do to him? Even the money purse was with him. How could he?
Peter continues to sob as he says, I am not different Simon. I denied knowing him, not once, not twice, but thrice.
Philip rises up to the occasion, We all ran away from him. Not just you Peter. Not Judas alone. We all have deserted him. When our master was striving for life, writhing in pain and being drained of blood. We are all pathetic, like Judas we all have sinned.
Simon mellows down, Yes it's true. I have failed him.
Thomas intrudes. Now what do we do? What is our future. Now that the story of the master is over, they will be after us now.
Peter mumbles in grief, I will go fishing.
Philip continues, See Thomas, We all are preoccupied with us, our future, our life. Peter was the one who said, he will go to Jerusalem to die. I echoed it. Thomas you also once said. But we all ran away.
Knock, knock.
All twenty eyes were startled. Heads turned to the door. Sweat dripping down their forehead. Who is it? Nathanael musters up strength.
Soft voice replies, it's me Andrew.
The door is opened and Andrew, brother of Simon Peter, walks in with another man. Andrew always brings new new people. But was this the time for another session? The teacher is also dead and gone. And this face is familiar, but they couldn't recognize him in the low light. It's already midnight and they have kept the flames low. But he was shabby, he clothes were all torn, hair and beard unkempt.
Andrew looks at the perplexed faces and explains. Confused? Afraid?
I was too as I was walking down the road to Emmaus, hoping that no one would recognize me. In that wilderness area I heard someone wailing loudly. Peter wipes his tears and listens intently as a child.
I was skeptical about the situation. But then I heard my master's voice sayin, go. I tried to argue with all sorts of reasoning. But the voice was clear. I have come to the weak and heavy laden. Go.
Slowly and fearfully I walked towards the direction of the wailings. All I could see in the dim light was a man so restless. Looking above and crying so loud. Beating his breasts, tearing his clothes, ripping down his hair, rolling up and down in the ground. Putting dirt on himself, crying aloud, For me, for me.
I rushed to him. He saw me, hugged my legs and continued, For me, for me.
This man died for me, instead of me. I was to be crucified. But he died in my place.
I asked. Who? Who are you.
Oh! I am a nobody. Worthless. He died for me. Instead of me he died on the cross. He continued to sob. I realised he was slowly setlling. I continued to pat his back. I continue to say. It is fine.
He settled himself and gained much strength. Tears still rolled down his cheeks as he said something which shocked me from head to toe. All my hair stood up on its toes.
I am Barabbas.
All ten stood up with anger and rage and fear.
Barabbas. The one criminal. The one whose place my master died. All because of him. How could Andrew bring him to the group. All were ready to bash him to death. At once they all forgot they deserting him was far more worse than Barabbas' sin.
Matthias had been following Andrew and Barabbas from the road to Emmaus and he came in too into the upper room. Matthias was listening to all Andrew had to say. He was not supposed to speak. Young as he is. Not in the special group of twelve. But now he felt the urge to speak. The voice of the master was so strong inside him.
Dear brothers. Am I allowed to speak. If I don't speak, I fear something untoward would happen. We fail to realize we are equally sinful. And none of our sins are washed clean. Our master said about his death before hand. And we failed to believe. Now when Barabbas says it was for him and instead of him that Jeshua died, I realize the truth, it was for me and you and each one of us the master died. And he has become the ultimate sacrifice, for he knew no sin. The Blameless, blemishless lamb.
He died for me.
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