How's it even possible? Short story

How is it even possible? Mary is not of that type. I know she loves me. Her love to me has no boundaries. Unconditionally she loves me. Through her love only I came to know how much more my Father in heaven loves me. She cares for me. She forgives me without keeping a list. She loves her God too. She fears her Father. She would never commit this sin because I know her completely like no one else does. I know for sure, more than she loves me, she loves her God. She hopes for the Messiah. She would never commit this wretched sin. She knows the consequences. Not out of the fear of consequences, but out of her love to God, she would never do this. I'm sure. 

But who would believe me? She is pregnant. The fact remains a truth. It's disgrace for me. It's disgrace for my family. She says she had a vision. How could someone be pregnant by just a vision. She might be true, I know her. She wouldn't lie. But how am I supposed to believe this? What will my friends tell of me? What will they tell of her? What will they tell of the child? What will they tell of our family? How will we live? 

Moreover I'm supposed to obey my God too, I fear God. His law says that this is a rightful reason to divorce. But the truth is my love to her and my concern for her doesn't allow me. How will she live further, especially with the baby. I'm perplexed between my love for my God and my love for her. 

I don't have so much faith as her. I don't think I love God as much as she does. But I do fear God. I don't want to do something which is wrong in His eyes. And the teachers of the law would also be angry, they would probably oust us from the temple. God I pray tell me what to do. I don't know what you have in your mind. Should I marry her still? My heart wants to do that. But my mind doesn't allow me. Will you be angry with me? 

Mary is seemingly at peace. Especially after her visit to her relative Elizabeth. That is a totally different story. Old as they are, Zechariah and Elizabeth are waiting to be parents. It's a miracle. But how can you call our situation a miracle. I don't understand. 

I'm totally out of mind. I can't sleep. I find myself walking in the night outside my home. I can't concentrate on my work. There is a lot of pending work. The construction of the new home is also pending. I can't eat properly. My whole life has turned upside down. Is it because of any particular sin that I did as a young adult? Did I hurt you Lord so badly? Is there any way out of this? Forgive me Lord for the sins I have done against you, in my mind, in my words and deeds. 

My bed is wet with my tears. The night goes like this for me. I cry. I pray. I talk to God. I walk. Doze off. But sleep has gone of from my eyes. Gradually I slip to oblivion. But I woke up with such a bright light in my new room. So bright it was difficult to keep my eyes open. But still I could make out a silhouette of a being on the place which is supposed to be our wedding bed. 

"Joseph" I heard a loud and powerful voice. I got startled. Who calls me in the middle of the night? The thought itself kept me wide awake. 

“Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”

Is it true? I asked myself. How am I supposed to do all these? I had all my questions listed in my mind now. I'm sure I never told it aloud. But the being replied. Joseph don't you remember the prophet saying, “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” (which means “God with us”).

Wait. According to what I remember, this is told of the Messiah. So does it mean Mary is having a child in her that is God incarnate? 

That means it's not because of my sins or hers that we are supposed to go through this. But because we are chosen. I'm overwhelmed. Still I continue to cry. But this time with a different emotion. With awe and thankfulness. 

In a short while Mary will have a child who is God Himself. What will she do? What will the helpless child do? So this is what I will do. I will be her husband. I will marry her. I will be the child's father. I will be their world. I will do this because I love her. Because I love my God. And because I love my child who is in her womb. This is a huge privilege. Am I worthy? This is a huge responsibility. Will I be able to fulfill it? 

Whatever it is in stalk for us in the future. I will obey the God who called us as a family. The religious leaders might not understand us. My friends or my family might not understand me. But I will still do it. Because my God wants me to do this and the Messiah is going to be raised by us.