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Esther 1

Queen Vashthi is deposed from the position of royal Queen. Yes agreed that King Xerxes was in high spirits because of the wine. But what would have gone through the mind of the Queen at that time. It is said that she is beautiful. And it is also said that the king wanted all the nobles and other men to gaze on her beauty. 
But the queen refused to do what was told to be done. Because of her pride. Because she thought she would decide for herself.
I know I'm trading on dangerous territory now. Submitting to the husband's is what is expected of a Christian wife according to the word. Eph:5:22 addresses specifically to wives to submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
Yes! As you would submit to the Lord. Then what about my individuality? What about my identity? Will he not utilize it and nullify me? What about my desires and passions? Many questions would come up. 
But it is said so in the word!
Husbands are supposed to love their wives too. How? Just as Christ loved the church. Selflessly. Thinking of her good alone. To cleanse her by God's word. Taking up her spiritual responsibility. To love her unconditionally. There might be flaws that are so obvious in her. But! Just love.
And this is not quid pro quo. Only if you submit, I will love. If you love, I will submit. The passage begins by saying. Submit to one another. The root of it all is to submit to each other, based on selfless love to one another. "Two are united into one." The husband and wife is one unit. Thence, there is no ego /pride, self centredness/selfishness, conditional love within yourself. This one unit goes together. Not as individuals.
If that is within our mindsets, there is no identity crisis. There is no lack of expression of love. No pride.
As one before God.
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